Something that I have always struggled with, and something that I know is the root of many of the challenging moments I tend to face while parenting is having unrealistic expectations. For example, this all started Tuesday night when Ryan came in the living room as I was rocking Elin and asked, "What do you girls have going on tomorrow?" (Looking back on it, I guess I could say it was all his fault! lol! He should have never asked me that...Just kidding!) After taking some time to think about it, my eyes lit up as I realized that we had the ENTIRE day off with no prior commitments or obligations. Payton had no class or activity that we had to be at, we had no appointment of any sort, I had decided that I was going to take the day off from the gym, and I had already planned a crockpot meal for that evening, so cooking supper was going to be a breeze. My wheels started turning. Within minutes, I had a mile long to do list of all of these things that I was sure to accomplish the next day. I was planning to hit Wal-Mart bright and early to purchase Rubbermaid tubs in order to clean out both of the closets and dressers in the girls' bedrooms. I was going to scrub my tile and grout in the kitchen, the refrigerator needed to be cleaned out, all of the laundry needed to be done and put away, and while I was at it, I might as well clean out the vehicle, because the weather was supposed to be nice, and if I had a few extra minutes, (yeah right, lol!) I was going to pull weeds out of the landscaping and buy a hanging basket or two to put on the front porch. I was so excited! By the time Ryan got home, the house would be perfectly clean, the yard would look nice, and he would walk through the garage door into the sparkling clean kitchen (and refrigerator, I might add) to the smell of roast, potatoes, and carrots, cooking away in the crockpot! Welcome home Dear....Right (insert sarcasm!!) (Just typing this makes me laugh out loud now, as I am seeing how ridiculous this plan was! lol) HELLO....did I forget to work in the "mommy role" that I am privileged to play everyday??? Apparently I waited to watch this plan unfold before I remembered that I have a 6 month old and a 3 year old whose needs must trump every other task that I try to tackle throughout the course of a day. Let's just say that by the time I actually made it home from Wal-Mart, which required one stop for gas, two potty stops for Payton, a stop to feed Elin, and an unexpected stop to mail in our property taxes, and got lunch fixed and cleaned up, it was nearly 3:00. Ryan comes home at 5:00, therefore, I now had 2 hours to finish every other item on my to-do list that followed task number one...trip to Wal-Mart. Needless to say my list was not going to be finished.
However, instead of throwing in the towel, and just enjoying the rest of the evening outside with Ryan and the girls, I was bound and determined to complete my list. I decided to work well into the evening, folding laundry, cleaning out the refrigerator, mopping the floor, etc. I was plum exhausted. lol! When I finally took the time to look at the clock, it was after 9 pm. The girls still hadn't had their baths, they both needed their pj's on, they were tired and grumpy (understandably so), and I was too! Also, one thing that I have learned the hard way, is that when toddlers are over stimulated and over tired, their bodies tend to work in reverse. (Moms with toddlers...you know what I'm talking about! lol!) Instead of doing what we feel would be the most logical thing to do when our bodies are SO exhausted, which is quickly snuggle up for bed and sleep perfectly sound until the sun pops up the next day, toddlers tend to turn into crazy people, bouncing off the walls, talking ninety miles per hour, and doing everything they can remotely think of to prevent falling asleep! Yes, this was us last night! lol! Because of that it was close to 11 pm before Payton finally surrendered to sleep. It takes no rocket scientist to know that an 11 pm bedtime is not ideal for a 3 year old, and I have paid for it all morning. Crabby, crabby, crabby! We have went to "time-out" more times than I can count today, and poor Miss Elin has been super fussy all morning due to the fact that she too is over tired, because it was nearly impossible to keep this house quiet enough for her to squeeze in her morning nap. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it to nap time today, and cried out, "Help me Jesus," thousands upon thousands of times.
I am SO thankful though, that God has helped me learn how to deal with and learn from these challenging moments, and I wanted to take the time to reflect on what He has taught me and allowed me to see this morning.
1) It's just silly to try to have a huge master plan of things to accomplish at this stage in my life. For one, my self worth and success are not measured by what I do or don't get done, and two, God has graciously blessed us with two beautiful little girls, and taking care of them is glorifying to Him. I will have my time and myself back one day when they are grown.
2) When things go unexpectedly, its good to try and see the humor in it all. Writing this blog has helped me to do that. When I got the paragraph where I was creating my "to-do" list, I started laughing out loud at how crazy I was to think that I could do all of that in one day!
3) I need to quit comparing myself to other moms. I think one big flaw with social media, is that it causes us to look at other people's lives and think that they have things so much better, are so much more "put together", and have kids that act and behave so great, etc. There is no perfect parent, and there are no perfect children. Thanks to Jesus, we don't have to try so hard to be so perfect, and we shouldn't expect our kids to be that way either. What I do know is that God has uniquely created each parent and each child with strengths and weaknesses, and has promised to guide us and forgive us every step of the way! Just reflecting on that alone takes a huge weight off my shoulders.
If there is one thing I have promised myself that I will never do to current moms or future moms, it's that I will never act like I have it all together. The sooner I figured out that no one "has it all together," I was able to find so much more joy in motherhood. I've got a messy house, messy floors, grouchy kids, happy kids, a lot of love, and am so blessed! Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, and do yourself a favor and throw away the to-do-list, at least for the weekend! ;)
I had to include this picture, because amidst mopping the kitchen floor last night, I managed to stop and snap a photograph of Payton and Ryan playing on the trampoline. Just think, if I wouldn't have been so stubborn, I could have been out there too! lol! :)
Nights at home! :)
I also had to include this picture from Wal-Mart yesterday. Another thing I have learned in parenting a toddler is that you choose your battles. Why in the world, she insists on riding in the cart with the double seat in the front, I will never know, but instead of arguing for 10 minutes before shopping, I choose to surrender and tackle the challenge of steering the ginormous thing up and down the aisles! Haha!
Elin Cole- 6 Months!
