What a BEAUTIFUL spring season we have been blessed with this year! The Legg family has been staying super busy enjoying this beautiful weather. From Easter, to Mother's Day, to family graduations, we have had lots to celebrate since my last post. Also, Payton is now WALKING!! This definitely keeps us on our toes, as Payton is a pretty fast mover and into absolutely everything!
This Easter was Payton's second Easter. I can't believe that we are now celebrating her second holidays! She was definitely a blast this year. At the time, she was just starting to toddle around a little bit, so this made hunting for Easter eggs loads of fun! Easter is probably my personal favorite holiday. What a marvelous event to celebrate; the ressurection of our Lord! For whatever reason, the realization of what was actually done for me on the cross, hit me hard this year!!! I am not sure what it is that caused this, for I would like to think that I have always known and appreciated the sacarifice of Jesus not just every Easter, but every day. However, it just seemed like I was able to really connect with it on a much more personal level this year. Maybe its the fact that I am now a parent and can better understand the magnitude of sacrificing a son. Maybe its the fact that since Ryan's mother passed away earlier this year, Ryan and I have spent a lot more time discussing things of eternal value. Whatever the reason or cause, I have been feeling lead for quite some time to share this, so here goes!
After experiencing the loss of a loved one, Ryan and I have discussed many times how God really gave and continues to give an unexplainable kind of comfort, peace, and strength to Ryan as he deals with his mother's death. This has lead both of us to wonder how people go through life without God. I can't imagine not having Him to turn to, not only when life throws us unexpected twists and turns, but also when things seem to fall into place so perfectly that it's so blatantly obvious that this was a "God thing!" One particular, ordinary day at home, I found myself becoming overly curious about what it is that really keeps people from diving into an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I am SURE that one particular reason is just plain and simple; no one has shared with them the gospel. I cannot stress the importance of sharing the gospel enough to those who have not been as fortunate as us who have had someone come into our lives and teach us what a life with Jesus is all about. However, for whatever reason, that particular day, I found myself really thinking more about those who have heard the gospel over and over and OVER again, but are still somewhat hesitant to really give him their lives and jump in wholeheartedly to a life with Jesus.
As the day went on, I could not get this off my mind. It seemed like one thought continued to lead to another. I began reflecting on my own life as a Christian. As I continued to do this, I began realizing that my own journey with Christ has kind of went through "phases" so to speak. Being raised in a Christian home, I gave my life to Christ at an early age. It may sound somewhat bad to put it this way, but it is what it is. I was young, so my outlook as a second grader was a bit different than it is now. I started off giving my life to Christ, because I had been taught that it was the "right" thing to do. There was a little bit of fear involved. I wanted to do the right thing! My parents were both Christians, and at that age, your parents are ALWAYS right. So, why would I not want to do this? However, even though this is somewhat of a child-like way of thinking, I am SO thankful for this outlook, because it did jumpstart my relationship with Christ. This is where it all began.
As I grew older, my "people pleasing" personality kind of got the best of me. I was a perfectionist, and wanted to live life as "perfectly" as I could. I knew scripture, I knew what was right, and that's how I was "supposed" to live. This outlook began to find me just flat out exhausted and at times, down on myself. Of course I knew I couldn't be perfect, but I was a Christian, and isn't that how Christians are supposed to live?? As Christ-like as possible??? Yes, BUT at the time, I wasn't yet comprehending the greatest gift and the glue that binds this altogether- GRACE!!!.....We'll get to more about that later!
Throughout highschool and college, my personal relationship with Christ kind of remained stagnant. I hate to admit this, but I don't really know how else to put it. Of course I still had what I thought at the time was an active prayer life. I attended church, because that's what God "wanted" me to do. I never once doubted my beliefs or my salvation, etc. However, I was somewhat hesitant to really dive into scripture, and put God first. I was almost scared. Scared that I would know too much about my own life. Scared that all my sin would instantly be revealed to me. Scared that I would feel an enourmous amount of GUILT because I couldn't live up to Christ's expectations. Fearful that God would tell me that I should be living differently and shouldn't be hanging out with certain friends, etc. Because of this fear, I chose to just kind of remain still . I was comfortable with what I knew AND what I didn't know!!
It wasn't until I was out of college that my relationship with Christ really began to grow. I don't want people to read this and think that I am saying that I think I was never saved until recently, or that I went through some kind of "dark" time where I didn't know Christ. I KNOW I have been saved since the second I ask Chirst to come into my life as a little second grader, and Christ has been by my side ever since. However, I feel that we mature and grow as Christians just like we mature and grow as people, and it is becomming evident to me that my relationship with Christ is growing like I hope it continues to do for the rest of my life. I feel like the reason for this growth stems from me beginning to better understand what is meant by mercy and grace.
About 6 months ago, my mom starting tying to get me to read a book by Joseph Prince that talks about what is meant by the grace of God. She explained that it gives us somewhat of a freeing outlook on certain aspects of Christianity and that it really helps you to comprehend the love that Christ has for his people. My mom is probably one of the most knowledgeable Christians I know. I'm not just saying that because she's my mom. She has a very strong faith, spends daily quiet times with God, and spends a lot of time reading scripture and different books by Christian authors. If she said it was good, I knew it must be. I still have yet to read the entire the book; however, this has initiated a lot of conversation between her and I on the topic of grace, and I feel like the magnitude of Christ's love for me and what it means to have a loving intimate relationship with him hit me like a ton of bricks!!
What I was missing in my personal relationship with Christ was the simple aspect of falling in love with who HE is!!! What I was failing to comprehend was the power of God's grace! When Christ died for our sins, he died for EVERY sin! This means every sin in our past AND every sin in our future! When we accept Christ, we will continue to sin. He knows this, and the price has already been paid for them. He said it himself..."It is finished." It's already been done. What this means is that there is nothing we can do or say that will ever be good enough to "earn" our way to heaven. God knew this, and that's why he sent Jesus, the perfect sacrifice! Now, when he looks at us, we are seen through Jesus, his perfect child. When we realize this, it takes the pressure off of us "perfectionist" minded people and causes us to be forever grateful for this sacrifice. What happens when we realize what Christ has actually done for us? What happens when we realize that Christ made a way for us to have eternal life with him? What happens when we realize that we are saved from every sin we have ever committed or ever will commit? We fall in love with him!! What happens when you love someone? You want to spend time with them! You want to learn more about them! You want to tell them everything about your life! You desire to live a life that is pleasing to them. Not because you have to or because it's the "right" thing to do; it's because you just simply want to!! You want to worship! You NEED to worship! However, I feel that it all begins with falling in love with who HE is and what He has done first!
So, to sum this up, sometimes I feel that we hesitate diving into an intimiate relationship with Christ, because we are afraid of what is going to be asked of us, or what we are going to have to change about ourselves or our lives. In reality, I don't feel like it needs to start there. I think it needs to begin with understanding that you are forgiven and will be forgiven of EVERTTHING. The price has already been paid. He's made the way for us to get to heaven, and all we have to do is accept Christ. NOTHING can or will change this!! It also needs to start with looking around at everything good and perfect in your life and knowing that it comes from Him. It needs to start with realizing how much you are loved by the creator of the universe and everything in it, and falling in love with him in return. START HERE! Get to know him and how he loves you! You and God will work the rest out later. Where he wants to take you on your journey together will all come later; it will work itself out! In a way, this perspective has even changed the way I pray for Payton as she continues to grow. I find myself asking God to help me teach her who HE is, so that she can fall in love with him as her Savior. If she does this, I'm not too worried about the rest!!
Like I said earlier, being a parent has helped me also to grow in my relationship with Christ in that it has helped me to understand the magnitude of Christ's sacrafice. I LOVE that I got the privilage to celebrate my second Mother's Day this year! My prayers were with Ryan that day, as I knew it would be a difficult day for him. We went to church with his grandma out at her small country church, Round Praire. Across the road from this small church was the cemetery where Ryan's mom is buried, and he hasn't been out there since the funeral. In the past, when I would ask him about going out there, he would always respond with, "Holly, that's not where mom is." Very true, but I still knew it would be hard. After the services, we walked out to the parking lot with his grandma, and Ryan began walking across the road to the cemetery with little Payton. (She toddled along right next to him, holding his hand.) I stayed back with his grandmother and just watched as the two of them made their way over. Sunday was such a beautiful sunny day, in quite contrast to the cold January day of the funeral. It was also so strange seeing Payton walk, and I was reminded how much things have changed since even this past January. Once the two of them made it to the grave site, I had to hold back the tears, as I watched Ryan throw Payton into the air and she let out the sweetest little giggle. It was such symbolism as to how even through life's struggles, life really does move on. Never the same, but it does move on, and joy is still there!! Sometimes I wonder if we never experienced struggles in life, would we long to be in our eternal home, in the arms of our loving Savior? I also wonder, if we never experienced the death of a loved one, would we understand the greatness of Christ's death on the cross? I can't answer that, but I do know that Christ is in complete and total control! As I continued to stand there watching the two of them, I thought about how quickly it seems we move through different phases of life. Life really can throw us so many twists and turns, good times and hard times. I feel that the unpredictability of this rollar coaster ride that we call life, is another important reason why it is so important to cling tight to our Lord, the ONLY thing that stays the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!!
We are so anxious to move into summer! Payton is at SUCH a fun age, and I can't wait to spend my summer days with her! We've never been more thankful for the wonderful blessings that God continues to provide!
A special thanks to Uncle Brent at Iconik Studio for spending the afternoon at the park with us, taking some AWESOME pictures!!
